Brave New World

(they always said that sex would change you)

New LJ
My friends-list for this journal has gotten kind of schizophrenic, in that half of you are here because you know me IRL, half of you are here via fandoms or manga, and half of you are here for trannie stuff. (And half of you are here for my rad math skills, yes.)

So the other day when I wrote a Dresden Files fanfic, I created a separate journal for writing-related topics instead of posting it here.

You've probably noticed that I almost never post here anymore -- I'm just not doing much that's worth writing about, though that might change after I move back to the states. Far more interesting is what I spend my time thinking about, so if you're into reading or writing and discussions thereof, I invite you to join me at rassaku, where I've been keeping all my new toys. :D

The rassaku journal is also a space for me to be male from the start, rather than trans, so please to not discuss it there. I will delete incriminating comments and sulk at you.

Giving away books, free to good home
In anticipation of moving back to the states in slightly > 1 month, I'm trying to unload four years' worth of accumulated stuff -- which is not relevant to anyone on LJ, except that I also happen to be in possession of what is probably the most extensive English-language gay fantasy collection in Japan. If you are a slashfan in Japan jonesing for books in English (or if you know someone who is) don't be shy about asking for them -- I want to give them to you. The alternative, I'm afraid, is donating them to the local library, who will probably be like, "Uhm... thank you. For these... books that no one will ever read." ::chucks them as soon as I'm gone::

so many booksCollapse )

omg kyaaaa :O !!
wraith WOW
Guess who is coming to Tokyo. Guess who is coming to my ward to speak at the local library.


Kyaaaaaa I am so going to go fanboy all over him.

Ideas for using knowledge of body language in your writing
story of my life
I'm sure there are other articles on the subject, but this one is MINE!Collapse )

How to make frittata in a rice cooker
Will probably be of no use to anyone but me, but since we don't have ovens in Japan...Collapse )

(no subject)
So I sort of picked up a Broadway dancer last night. I do not recommend my strategy though!

me: 何歳ですか? [How old are you?]
him: 26歳
him: いいことに?
me: ...yes.

The above exchange would indicate that he understands English, but he never spoke any.

He came over and sat by me, and I struck up a conversation. I told him that I'd requested a song (Alejandro :D) and that if it came on I wanted to dance. He was game for that. (I did not know, at the time, that he was a professional dancer.) So it did -- A REALLY CRAPPY REMIX. Utterly un-danceable. (Methinks the DJ is subtly trying to encourage people not to request it.) Anyway, we ended up making out on the dance floor instead of dancing -- net gain, I think.

Indeed, I was so happy that I flooded my house the next morning. ^_^

Unhealthy dependencies, my thoughts, my fiction
I was reading a book entitled Emotional Child Abuse, which deals mostly with the myriad ways that ill-adjusted parents can pass that along to their ill-adjusted kids, and I found an interesting passage on dealing with death:

"Parents whose relationships with each other are totally symbiotic are setting up problems for their children. The children may fear that if one dies, the other will soon follow suit. This does in fact happen sometimes. One subject's father died of cancer, and her mother died a few months later of a broken heart. When parents are totally dependent on one another, the children may get the impression that life is completely worthless without an all-encompassing bond, that one's profession and children and friends are comparatively insignificant, and that the death of a lover is an overwhelming, devastating tragedy from which one can never recover."

"When parents fail to heal from the death of their spouses, they bring their child up in a bleak, lonely environment, passing on a distorted view of death, mourning, and love."

This put me immediately in mind of Christine Feehan's Dark ~~~ series, which by no means the only offender, but a particularly egregious example of the soul-bonding/life-mates/etc trope that paranormal romance has been flogging to death recently. Because in those books, and many others like them, that all-encompassing bond is treated as the be-all and end-all of life. Which I think is one of the reasons why -- despite the fact that it's a bad, bad book in a genre I don't read -- I was driven to "fix" it with Dark Deviance. (That, and Feehan's total, blind heteronormativity. Her world doesn't allow for the existence of gay people.)

Instead, the main character in my story isn't particularly in love with the idea of lifebonding, because all it's done in his own life is produce a pattern of neglect, where the people who should have cared for him are instead caught up in their own romantic concerns. And why as an adult, he makes a conscious rejection of the ideal that privileges romantic love over all else. (Which doesn't make Dark Deviance any less a love story, but it means he's out doing things, running a business and kidnapping people and going to the opera, instead of sitting at home miserable about being single.)

The other party in that love story is more worried about the loss of autonomy that comes of falling in love in a canon where you somewhat literally have to do anything that your mate's happiness requires. Which is also an issue that I felt needed to be fixed.

Funny story
Crazy coincidenceCollapse )

Coming out: Round II
operation: end badly
Seriously, the curse of transsexuals is that we're never done coming out to people. All that fraught, uncomfortable tension of "How is this person going to take it?" Yeah, we never get to be through with that. Anyway, enough wangst. Here is how I came out to Shinya!

So there we are on a date in this izakaya, which is a Japanese drinking/fried food place. I like this one because it's cheap and delicious and has a very wide selection of cheap drinks. (Sours, which is Japanese for shochuu (like vodka, but weaker) + the fruit juice of your choice.) It also features a "ladies' first drink is free" deal, which I've never been able to take advantage of.

Me: [points out this out to Shinya]
Him: ずるい
Me: My sentiments exactly.
Him: Say, in your next life, would you want to get reborn as a woman?
Me: ....................No, no I would not.

It occurs to me that I'm never going to get a better segue than this. I debate the linguistic fuddle that ensued last time I tried to explain it to a Japanese dude, and decide to go for a different approach.

Me: So, ah... there's something I need to tell you.
Him: ?
Me: [hands him my foreign registration card, thumbnail pointing at the relevant bit]
Him: [takes it. sees the 女F. looks at me.] Is this you? o_O
Me: Yes. I can show you another ID, if you'd like.
Him: Okay. [takes that too, looks between the pictures for a moment] 変わったな! ("You've changed, huh!")
Me: You... could say that.
Him: Hmm. No wonder you have such nice skin.
Me: Jealous?
Him: Yes.

And the funny part is how chagrined he was when I told him that I'd been nervous about coming out to him because he'd told me he was "scared of girls." Hahaha, Shinya-headdesk: "Yeah, but you don't seem like a girl!" Which settles it, apparently.

I'm still not sure how to read the signals I get off him when we're in private, but I swear to god, as soon as we're in the middle of the train station about to go our separate ways he starts sidling closer and giving me the "Please ravish in front of EVERYONE!" eyes. Which I'd be down with, but I could be misreading that.

(...aka, Jailbait)

- Is really cute. Seriously, every time I see him I'm surprised anew at his hotness. Like, I managed to land you, wut wut?

- Is actually into yaoi. When I'd admitted to reading BL manga I'd added, abashedly, that it was kind of embarrassing, and when he disagreed I thought he was just humoring me. Nope, he buys it himself -- we went to Book Off and he poked around fussily through the BL while I hung back and hoped nobody noticed two dudes parked in the yaoi section.

- Has hobbies! This is a great relief after the last prettyboy, who had to ponder the question "What do you like to do outside of work?" for several minutes before managing to come up with, "...Drink?" Shinya, on the other hand, is a dilettante rather like myself; he reads, sketches, writes music and then (this is the cool part) uses the equipment at karaoke places to record himself singing them. He's surprisingly good, if you like J-pop (which I sort of don't) -- the first time I heard him I thought it was a professional recording.

- Is not out to his family, and seems to be under the impression that they have no idea, though empirical evidence would suggest otherwise.

Him: "I work at a men's beauty clinic."
Me: "Are you sure they don't know you're gay?"
Him: "I like Sailor Moon. I watch it with my sister."
Me: "...Are you SURE they don't know you're gay??"

- Is taking it veeerrry slow. Or maybe he's just waiting for me to take the reins, and throw him down and ravish him. I still don't understand Japanese boys so well, but I'm getting better.


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