Object lesson: How (Not) to be a Jackass

So last weekend I was at a predominantly queer party; met some people, didn't click with anyone, and after I'd left it occurred to me that this was probably because they were all so damned young. Like, mostly 19 to 21. And I never notice it right away, because they look like adults at that age, but then when I talk to them it's like, "Wow. Your brain is... not very interesting yet."

Man, I used to worry about getting older because then all the hot young thangs wouldn't want to date me anymore. It didn't occur to me that I wouldn't want to date them first.

Anyway, this morning I had a message in my OkCupid inbox, a guy from the party who'd recognized me and was like, "Oh hey, you were at so-and-so's party, right?" So I clicked over to his profile to see if he had hidden depths that hadn't been apparent when I met him, and found this gem right there in his "About Me" summary:

I also don't and will not date a bisexual guy or transgender ppl. Nothing wrong with them but they're just not for me.
This, knowing that I was trans before he messaged me. Luckily I hadn't been interested in dating him either, and since I have no compunctions about burning my bridges with that crowd:

Okay, so, I'm not going to win any friends doing this, but you did say you'd rather be educated than offend in ignorance, so...

Did you always have the "no trannies" clause in your profile, or did you add that for my benefit? Because I don't care if you don't want to date me -- I'm an elitist jerk, I'm aware of that, and there are plenty of people who aren't into that -- but ruling out transsexuals as a species makes you look like an asshole. You might as well write "No Mexicans plz" -- the only difference is that it's still socially acceptable to discriminate against trans folk.

If your next argument is "I can't help what I'm attracted to," I've heard that one before too, and the rebuttal is that trans dudes come in all shapes and sizes, so if any subset of men are your "type," then there are going to be transsexuals who are "your type." If what you're actually trying to screen for is big dicks, then just say so, "Only big dicks need apply."

And lastly, if I've pissed you off, please keep in mind that these are my personal feelings, not those of all trans dudes everywhere. "Man, that guy Gabriel is an uptight jerk" = okay. "Man, trans guys are uptight jerks" = not true. We are not all the same any more than gay guys are all the same.

The End

My public service for the year

I may not have gotten around to blogging about the surgery yet, but I finally [mostly] finished my opus --

The FTM's Complete Illustrated Guide to Looking Like a (Hot) Dude

Hauled ass to finish it because tomorrow is Pridefest and I'm working the booth for the local trans group. I'd like to have somewhere to send the baby trannies when they visit.

So, if you know anybody who could use it, point them my way.

Back in the S of A

So I had surgery a week ago! All went well, I took notes and I'll blog about it eventually. On vicodin and very sleepy now.

Actually, let's open the floor to questions. Ask me whatever and I'll try to make sure it gets answered when I write up the saga.

Oh, ridiculousness

So I've got an account on OkCupid, in which I list myself as male but under "Most personal thing I'm willing to admit" I say, "I'm an FTM transsexual. So if you're cruising for a well-hung top, then just keep moving, cuz these are not the droids you're looking for." It seems to work pretty well as a filter, including catching the eye of a few outliers for whom that makes me more interesting rather than less.

Anyway, I came home around midnight and checked my email, to find an OkCupid message from a bisexual 18-year-old music student. In essence: "Want to hook up? :D"

"Sounds good to me," I wrote back, because I aspire to be easy.

A minute later a chat window pops up. In essence: "Want to hook up RITE NAO?? :D :D"

Haha, yeah right, kid. It's midnight and I just got home from an S&M party, not going out again. So we chatted for a bit, and then came this gem...

Him: so how big are u?
Me: big as in...?
Him: lol how big is ur dick
Me: .....about an inch.
Me: Did you miss the part where I'm a trannie?
Him: wut


Him: i think i would have remembered that

I'm sure if you'd read my profile, you would have.


Jobs in Japan -- FINIS!

Just finished my last day of gainful employment in Japan, which is sort of driving home the you-are-leaving thing. It's weird because I've spent the past four years building up a skillset that I hope never to use again. In my not so humble opinion (and, it must be said, in my student evaluations), I'm a good teacher. I even enjoy myself about half the time. But this stint has also proved to me that I don't want to be a teacher forever, because ultimately, no matter how good you are, your ability to enjoy yourself is at the mercy of whether or not your students suck.

I don't even mean suck as in their language skills, because I've had low level students I adored and high level students who gave me muscle tics at the mention of their name. We (or I do anyway) have the impression that a good teacher should be able to succeed in any situation, any class, make lemons out of lemonade, but that's really, really not the case. I can make conversation on just about any topic now, for any level of English-speaker, but conversation is a two-person game, and a spectacularly unimaginative student can kill that shit dead, no matter how technically proficient they are. I've had lessons flop that I had done dozens and dozens of times before, to good effect, because of students who were congenitally incapable of having an independent thought in their head.

And suddenly that's no longer for me to worry about. (And oh god, I will never again have to play asinine games with other people's goddamn kids.) The Sisyphean task of trying to teach Japan English is no longer my responsibility. It's liberating, that is.